you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
