So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
