Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
