Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
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