i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
