I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
