Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
