the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
