i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
