finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
