Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
4 words: hood of his car
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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