I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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