I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
