Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
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