put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
