I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
