I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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