it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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