Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
