All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
