If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize