there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
