My hand turned me down
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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