U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
