I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
