When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
