apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
just found out that she named her cat after me.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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