a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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