i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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