I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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