It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Randomize
