Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
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