I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
This show inspires me to have sex in space
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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