she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I lost the right to judge tonight
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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