When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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