i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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