How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
