What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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