In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
