It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
