so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
