I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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