Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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