I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
