sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
How does one acquire holy water?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize
