um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
