The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
