well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
COCAINE IS GR8
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
