im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
People with herpes should wear stickers.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
then he tried to convert me to islam
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
