I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
