he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
